Memory
by Zanyotaku
Summary: Raven thinks about her destiny, and her life with the titans. Takes place the night after "Birthmark" a little Raven/Robin fluff at the end
1. In the Rain

A/N: I can't decide on a title should it be "Memory" (the name of a song that inspired this drabble) or if I should pick something more fitting…? Oh well, I can't think of another title so it'll have to do, even if it has nothing to do with the story.

Raven thinks about her destiny, and her life with the titans. Takes place the night after "Birthmark"

This is my first fanfiction, so please tell me what you think about it! :D (Indulge the newbie)

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It was night, silence, peaceful, dark, normally she enjoyed these things. She kept to herself, but not tonight, tonight it was too quite…and the shadows she so often hid in only seemed lonely instead of comforting.

Moonbeams fell down from the window, casting pale light about the room. She would never admit it, but she hated being alone. What a silly thing to say, she was always alone, they knew that. _Everyone_ knew that. She had been alone ever since the day she was born, nobody wanted to interact with the 'demon child' after all. Even the monks who protected her and taught her control were distant. She had no family, yes, she had blood kin, her mother, and her father. But they were not her _family_. Her mother had been forbidden to raise her until she was ten years old, her father had made her life a living hell since the moment she was conceived, and he plotted to use her to his own ends. Family…where was her _real_ family? Where were they now? Her friends, they had saved her in so many ways they would never even realize… but they couldn't save her any more. They were sleeping, blissfully unaware of the day approaching her fast, memories of the past, visions of the future, the present tense fell away and it all blended into the same words. _The End._

The moonlight falling from the window only made her look pale as a ghost, her unnatural skin, hair, and eyes were undoubtedly traits from her father. They marked her as different, and because she was different, she was alone. She couldn't take the silence of the room any longer and went to the roof… Slate grey clouds were rolling in, covering the serene moonlight night, a faint drizzle of rain began to fall…

The soft rain fell on her hood, part of her was tempted to raise her face to the icy droplets, but she knew that she would only make herself sick if she stayed out for much longer.

Then again, she didn't really care. Her hood that hid her face in shadow fell back, and the rain soaked her short purple hair, running down her cheeks like the tears she had denied herself since she had been a little girl. Emotion was a luxury for others… Yet she could not deny her own pain, twisting in her chest, trying to break free and express itself. Maybe, for just a moment…it would be alright…to cry. Nobody would notice it like this…the icy rain soaked her clothing, but she couldn't care less. She allowed herself to admit her feelings for a moment. Her words, whispered into the storm were lost to every ear but her own.

"I'm afraid. I'm lost. I don't know what to do… I'm scared…I'm sorry. …I'm really sorry…for everything."

For a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things, for just a moment, she had been happy with the Titans. She loved them, and they her. Unconditionally, without question, they had shown her a fragment of a life she could have had with a real family on earth. Laughing, playing, arguing, yelling, fighting, and making up. They had no idea what she was…

_**The gem was born of evil's fire.**_

No idea of what she would do, what she had been born to do.

_**The gem shall be His portal.**_

The words echoed around her head uselessly reminding her of the day her destiny would be fulfilled. She hated them, the words echoed in every nightmare she had ever had in her entire life. Every time she closed her eyes and was assaulted with a vision, every time she saw that blood red birthmark appear over her skin, and since last night…every time she thought of Slade, a villain they had believed to be dead. Her father had found his wretched soul in the pits of hell, and unleashed him on her and her friends like a preview of nightmares to come.

Even if she was forced to end it, one way or another, she would still love the Titans. Her father may plan to take her free will, her life, her future, and he may even still take the earth. But he would never take her memories of their time together. In the rain, she made peace with those thoughts, preparing herself for the moment of utter destruction that would soon be upon them. He could never take away who she was, what she had accomplished as hero, and her real family would always live on in her heart.

Closing her eyes, she could see the vision again. _The ruined city, the fire, the red sky, the destroyed tower, her friends, frozen in their last horrific moment of dying._

_**He comes to claim,**_

_**He comes to sire,**_

Her father would take the entire earth. She didn't know what would happen to her. She might lose her body and soul; she might be forced to watch the carnage she had been destined to create with her father. If he was twisted enough, he might make her kill her loved ones with her own hands, trapping her within her own mind, helpless to the whims of the demon she held within her. No…the demon was a part of her, she couldn't deny it and speak of it like it was separate from her. It was her. She was a demon.

She would be a puppet on a string for Trigon, her resistance only served to make it more amusing to Him. Even if she tried to kill herself, her body would be taken by his will completely and then there really would be no hope to stop it. The only thing keeping Trigon from leveling the city to ash within seconds was her will. Even so…when he was ready, even her will was just as breakable as a twig to him, she hated it…Having no power over this situation. No matter where she looked it was a dead end. She was alone, she was scared. Silently, she cried out for help, begging for someone to save her. Nobody could, but still, childishly she was crying and weeping in sorrow.

_**The end of all things mortal…**_

_Why?_ Why couldn't she stop crying? She had known this day was coming her whole life…She fell to her knees, feeling the ice cold concrete and rainwater on her skin. Why only now, did it seem so much worse? Now she had gained something she wanted to protect… The wind whipped back her long cloak, and her leotard was completely soaking wet. The emotions she always held back, the side of her that she never showed. She felt them painfully twisting in her chest, struggling to get free…Screaming with the need to run away and protect herself from the pain. She had gotten a taste of what it felt like to be utterly helpless last night…

"_-and no matter, what you wish, no matter what you do, no matter how much you squirm, there is nothing you can do to stop it."_ Slade's words taunting echoed in her mind with the memory_. He grabbed her, holding her down as she screamed, the vision ripping into her mind, the birthmark rising to the surface of her skin, the pain was incredible, like none she had ever felt before, but it wasn't purely physical... _She had never had to withstand such a torture as the one Slade and her father had prepared for her.

"_This will come to pass. I will make sure of it."_ And it didn't stop with her falling from the skyscraper, every time she closed her eyes in sleep or meditation, they would come back, just as vivid and awful as the first time she had seen them as a child. The visions had been as completely horrifying as they had the first time she had seen them, on her seventh birthday. She couldn't remember what had actually happened, just that the monks couldn't get her to stop screaming for hours afterward.

"_You're going to destroy the world, Raven, it's written all over your face."_ Slade had brought back that buried memory with even more ferocity and terror than when she had been small…and it was _still_ happening…still behind her closed eyelids, the vision played over and over and over again…A sob caught in her throat. She was scared. She couldn't deny that anymore. She was scared. It was cold, she was alone, just like always.

She allowed her arms to curl around herself. She looked up from behind her tears at the distant, blurry city lights. She could sense the faint aroma of emotion in the air. Lovers embraced one another, businessmen sighed with relief as the day drew to a close, children were all sleeping, and dreaming of their futures that they believed lay ahead. It was _stupidly_ tragic to have to end it all with a moment of no control. The despair inside her welled up, threatening to drown her within its choking depths, like an inky black water. She felt herself sinking. Deeper and deeper, and nobody was coming…nobody could stop it…nobody could help…nobody was going to save her.

Suddenly, she felt something warm; she hadn't been warm since she had allowed herself to sit in the rain.

"Raven…what are you doing up here?" She was pulled up out of the black water, she came back to her senses. "Come on, you'll catch a cold like this." She numbly let him lead her inside. Robin…her teammate, her leader, her best friend, he knew her more than anyone, yet he still didn't know her at all. Even so, standing like this, she could feel how sincerely worried he was for her, she could feel the warmth coming off of him, trying to hold her head above the waters of despair.

"Robin…" She didn't know how to explain herself, her mind was still out wandering, seeing him in front of her, didn't seem real in the late-night hours. Even though she couldn't sleep she had never felt so tired. Suddenly, without warning, she threw her arms around him. She needed something to hold onto, she needed to remember why she still had to fight.

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I AM going to add more to this later, but I just wanted to post something, since I made this account a few weeks ago and then, oops I haven't posted any stories yet!


	2. In the Dark

Yay! So, here's the second part to this story, this is from Robin's POV and it goes back to a little bit before last chapter, to explain why he was up on the roof.

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He couldn't sleep, so he wandered the tower. He was still worried about Raven, ever since Slade had gotten her cornered and they found her afterward…she had been distant from them, withdrawn, much more so than normal. After they had tried to cheer her up with the birthday party she hadn't said more than a single word to any of them that wasn't a 'yes,' or a 'no,' He still remembered the moment of panic when he saw her fall. Raven's powers allowed her to fly easily, so falling wasn't the sort of thing that happened to her often. But it wasn't just the fall that had scared him, no, her clothes were torn off, her cloak was gone, her face was pale and bloodless, her arms and legs were covered in scratches, bruises, and burns. She had only opened her eyes for a moment, and in her eyes he saw her for the first time. He didn't see Raven as she normally was, stoic, strong, graceful, and mysterious, he saw Raven as she hid herself, small, frightened, _lost_. Something in her had broken in the short time he had been separated from her. By the time she was waking up in the med bay, two hours later, she had only partially gotten back to her old self. She was still badly shaken, and she blatantly refused to tell them anything.

"_I-I'm…fine. Slade got me cornered; it was a stupid mistake, that's all it was. I'm _fine_, it's just some bruises, they'll heal fast, and we have more important things to worry about right now…"_ They had decided to question her later, since she had seemed so disturbed, but that might have been a mistake, now they couldn't get her to talk at all… He could still feel something through their bond that had been formed when she had saved him from a crazed nightmarish hallucination. He knew she was hurting a lot more than she let on. He knew she was hiding, and right now, he knew that she was awake. It was part of the reason he was so restless right now he suspected. He tapped on her door. Nothing.

"Raven..?" The door slid open, her sheets were untouched and her room was empty. He frowned…he couldn't think of many places where she would go. He went to the roof, but told himself that surly she wouldn't be up there no, not with the rain that had been falling for almost half an hour. Yet still something drew him up there. He saw her figure standing alone, the night was pitch-black now that storm clouds had covered the moon, but he could still see her. Her cloak was blown back by the wind, her hair slick with rain and clinging to her forehead, she was on the ground, staring up at the sky, her arms holding her knees to her chest. Her costume was thoroughly soaked with water; the already skintight leotard clung to her thin frame even more.

"Raven…what are you doing up here?" He put a hand on her shoulder, jolting her out of her thoughts. She looked at him blankly, as if he had started speaking another language.

"Come on, you'll catch a cold like this." He gently, but firmly grabbed her arm and helped her up, she was still staring at him like she couldn't understand what he was doing there. He led her inside and sat her down on the couch. She was completely soaking wet. Somehow he had failed to notice until now, she was crying, he could see the tears in her eyes, once they rolled down her cheeks they looked no different from the raindrops. Her eyes focused and found him. Her eyes held that same broken look in them as they had when he had caught her from Slade's grasp that night.

"Robin…" She hugged him. He could feel her ice-cold soaking wet body press against him, and she buried her face in his neck. He could feel her breath tickling the back of his neck as she breathed out, he could feel her trembling as she held onto him as if he was the last thing on earth. Raven was always the strong one, the collected one, she never let anything get the best of her and she always kept a cool head even in the worst of situations. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her. He felt her give another small shudder, and then she was shaking again, wracked by small convulsions. He pulled back after a moment, she needed to get into dry clothes or she really would make herself sick.

"Don't…" She whispered, her grip tightening slightly as he pushed her away so he could fetch her some dry clothes. "Don't let go…" He stopped and stood there, silently holding her until she stopped shaking. He had always known Raven to be the strong and silent type, but with a sudden, sickening realization he discovered that she was so much more fragile than any of them had ever suspected.

"I'm right here. I promise." He shifted their position so that he could carry her. Just like last night, he was struck with the shock of her being so much smaller and lightweight than she should be in his mind. He always thought of her as strong, so it was strange to feel how weak her body was in his arms. How small and powerless she would be without her abilities. How small and powerless she was right then, curled next to him like a child who had a nightmare. He carried her to her room and laid her down on the bed.

"Robin...can I tell you a secret..?" It was the longest sentence she had spoken to him in 24 hours. He nodded silently. "...I'm scared." He took her hand, unsure of what to say. She didn't pull back, instead she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I love you, I love all of you...I'm really sorry."

"For what?" She shook her head sadly and said nothing. "We will always be here for you, Raven, I will always be here." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"...Always? Do you really mean that?"

"Of course." He fumbled with the clip of her damp cloak. "Now come on, you should dry off before you get sick." He said lightly trying to brighten her mood. He tossed her a fresh cloak and a towel and stepped out. To his surprise, she was walking back into the living room a few minutes later in dry clothing, her hair was still damp though. She sat down and stared out the window at the rain.

"...So what were you doing sitting in the rain...?" He asked cautiously. She shrugged, never taking her eyes from the storm.

"I..I don't know...Thinking." He got a flash of emotion from her, regret, sorrow, despair, none of it was good. Their bond...it seemed to only have been strengthened when he, Raven, and Slade had been the only beings unaffected by her time spell. It had been...incredibly overpowering and disturbing on a number of levels. He had been physically separated from her, yet he could feel her emotion, stronger than he ever had before. The adrenaline-filled chase, then suddenly, her fear, terror, and complete and unadulterated horror, had shot through his chest, in the distance there was a piercing cry of agony. He had never run so fast in his life. As time began to flow around him again, he saw Raven plummeting to the ground like a rock, for an awful moment...he thought Slade had killed her.

He sat down next to her and looked out the window. They watched the rain in silence for a while, gathering their thoughts. He took her hand.

"I won't ask for an explanation...but I'm worried about you. When I saw...you fall, for a second...For a second I thought he had killed you. I could feel something through our bond." She stiffened and turned her head toward him. "I know that whatever Slade did, it scared you."

"Not for the reasons you speculate, I'm afraid. Yes, I was terrified during that ordeal, but now I'm only worried for the future..." Her eyes grew distant again and she turned back to the window.

"I need to ask you something..." She said slowly, facing away from him.

"Sure."

"If...If I were to..." She muttered something he couldn't hear.

"What?" He thought he heard...but no, that couldn't be right...

"If I asked you to...could you kill me?" She repeated softly.

"Raven, what's this about? What's going on?!" He stood up.

"If...I lost control, wasn't myself anymore, could you take me down before I hurt anyone? If I was going to do something horrible...would you stop me?" She was staring at him calmly, but he could feel her waiting for his answer, but suppressed her feelings well enough that he had no idea what sort of answer she wanted from him.

"I..." His brain ground to a screeching halt.

"You know me better than anyone, Robin, but what do you know about me...?" She asked. He swallowed.

"I saw things when you went into my mind...A temple...somewhere that wasn't earth...it was quite...dark...and four red eyes. I know that you don't really have a paper trail here on earth, no social security, former address, nothing. You have insanely strong psychic abilities. All I need to know is that you're my best friend and I would trust you with my life." She sighed and turned her gaze back to the window.

"I was born in a place called Azarath...it is in an alternate dimension. That was the temple you saw...I was raised by the monks there...My mother was alive, but she was not allowed to raise me. I can't imagine why she still insisted she cared about me after what my father put her through...in her place I don't know if I could be as noble. It doesn't matter though, she only pitied me...they all pitied me...They knew...I'm not supposed to live much longer...I'm sixteen now, it should happen soon. That's what Slade was instructed to tell me, a message from my father."

"Who is your father?" She laughed softly.

"That's the question, isn't it? So simple...just a name, to answer almost every question about my strange powers, what I am, who I am, what I was...created for..." She looked down at her hand. "My father…is evil." Without warning she threw her cloak off, standing in the living room only in her leotard. The rain had begun to fade and moonlight struck her.

"Raven, what are you-"

"...Don't speak, just let me show you..." A red mark appeared on her palm, then one on the other palm, then her forehead, the symbols traced up her pale legs and glowed softly under her uniform over her stomach, chest, and arms. She turned, the symbols covered her back as well.

"Those are the symbols Slade had!" Robin gasped.

"They mark him as the...property of my father... He's just a message boy, reminding me of what is to come."

"Oh god...Raven..." He whispered in amazement and horror at the unbelievable spectacle in front of him. He hesitated. "...Do they hurt...?" The cloth of her uniform had begun to singe and burn off her body as she stood there.

"Yes..." She whispered, shuddering. "Like you wouldn't believe..." A small, broken, sound escaped her. He didn't even know what to say to her. The symbols faded, but her uniform was torn and singed in some areas, in a pattern, he realized, that was suspiciously similar to the way her clothes had torn when Slade had assaulted her. Wordlessly he took her hand. She looked into his eyes for a long moment, as if searching. Then she threw her arms around him again. He held her, silently, neither of them spoke a word as the storm passed and the night grew tranquil again. He picked her up again when he realized she had dozed off, but when he made to leave her in her room, she grabbed his shirt. No words were needed, through their bond he felt the whispered thoughts of terror still haunting her. She didn't want to be left alone. He held her hand until she fell asleep and until he fell asleep. He would always be there for her, just like he promised. He didn't care what she was or what she would do. All he ever needed to know was that she was his best friend and he would do anything to keep her safe.

As she drifted into sleep, as long as Robin held her hand, Slade and Trigon didn't disturb her mind once for the rest of the night. Her real family, and the bond she had created with all of them, would give her strength to fight the nightmares.

Maybe even fight the end of the world.

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So...now hit that review button and tell me how bad that was, or...on the off chance that you found it good, tell me if it was good! (Pretty please? *gives puppy dog eyes*)

Thanks for taking some time to read this!


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